since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
