Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
