So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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