my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
