Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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