oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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