is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
