i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your penis caused this!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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