Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
