so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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