YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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