Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
