I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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