apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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