So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need a beard to bite.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
