dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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