he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
