tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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