How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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