I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
