dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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