I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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