Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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