I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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