can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
