She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
