idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
