he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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