holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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