I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
