fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
