Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
