You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
