My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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