Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
