genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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