Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
