Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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