If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
