I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
