i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
