Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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