the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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