Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
