I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
