you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
