i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All the doctor said was why
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
