They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
MIDGETS
????
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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