I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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