yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
