Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
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