News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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