I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
