I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
