pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
