Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
