I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
