Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
