She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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