You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
