Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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