Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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