just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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