Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
