My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
