Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
