Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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