I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Houston, we have a blender
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
