Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
