who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Quick, to the slutcave!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
