I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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