Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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