Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Found the puke drawer
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
