I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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